The raw process of this Journey Through Grief collection, began in the wake of the loss of my true soul being, Butters. As a human who was experienced so much loss, my OCD brain survival mode shuts off emotion and I power right through grief.

I took care of other people. I drowned my brain in music. I danced and did yoga. I meditated and painted.

One day Butters came into my home.

I truly learned to open up, be vulnerable and  emotionally heal, but mostly to love and be loved by a rescue pitbull who changed my entire life. He was my anchor through some of the worst things I have been through as an adult . For a decade he sensed my vertigo blood pressure drops, my panic attack adrenaline spikes, my teeth gritting, my spiraling  depression, my tears before they fell. He instinctively pulled it all out of me. He kept me tethered to this plane. He led me to my girl Bunny. My sensitive, wild baby wolf. He managed both of our anxiety and intensity.

When he passed unexpectedly, it broke me. It opened up a well of buried unprocessed darkness. A part of my left with his spirit. The energetic void was gaping and vast. I lost the ability to do anything that helped me before. It was 8 months before I could even listen to music, let alone pick up a paint  brush. His absence changed our household immensely. It's something  I will not just get over. The deepest connection to another sentient being possible. Just gone. His sister and I grieved together. We had to learn an entire new routine of living with out him. I honestly would never have gotten through without her. I am also grateful for so many parts of this experience. 

I knew I needed to paint again for my mental well being. I needed a new way to move paint that would allow my brain a different process. 

This series was done with thick bodied acrylic paint, and a blow-dryer. It was part of a deep meditation, watching images appear, colors change and transition as the air moved the paint.

There is no right or wrong way to view these paintings. There are stories hidden and revealing for any individual who looks into them.